I found myself on a yoga mat when I was 25 while living in Los Angeles. I started working full time as a physician assistant and was overwhelmed by a busy, patient-filled schedule. The role was fast paced and required me to be focused on details and decision making the whole day. By the time I got home, after sitting in the usual LA traffic, my nervous system was overfired, over-stimulated and exhausted.
I found myself longing to calm down.
I remember thinking, “I just want to sit in a quiet room where no one can talk to me.” I decided to try yoga because I thought it could potentially relieve stress (or at least that’s what I heard) and still allow me to include some physical movement.
One day after work, I decided to show up for my first yoga class. I remember walking home that night with palpable relief in my body. Over the course of 4-6 classes, I started to notice that I was coping better with the daily stressors of my life. Over time, I started to fall in love with the poses and could see subtle changes in my body.
Next thing I knew, I was trying to go everyday.
This love for the physical practice then grew into a deeper curiosity toward meditation. I started trying audio practices and reading a few meditation books.
While I was living in LA and feeling more social influence toward how my body looked. I think I tried every wellness diet that was popular at the time so I could be leaner, more muscular and thinner.
Yes, you name it, I’ve done it and took the course... the juice cleanse, vegan, pescatarian, without any of the “bad” foods (a list that could be exhausted depending who you talk to or which book you read).
Looking back, I primarily focused on all the things that I shouldn’t eat and all the reasons why they were bad. If I was out with friends, I would shame myself the next day with eating less or exercising more to help offset any slip ups that I had. I decided to seek some mental support and found myself trying to rekindle my relationship with food and my body image.
Luckily, this is when the wonderful work of Brene Brown got on the scene and I was able to start to see how I spend my day shaming myself for anything that could be potentially “unhealthy” under my standards.
My regular yoga practice then shifted from not only stress relief but a reconciliation with my body and body image.
I found my yoga mat to be a place where I could “kind of like” my body instead of hate it. On my mat, I could feel strong, build awareness and proprioception in my body.
Over time, this relationship has grown into an appreciation and gratitude for this body of mine although I continue to keep showing up to do this work.
When I became a yoga teacher in 2016, one of my many goals was to help people, even for a moment, like or even love their body a little more by the time they left. My yoga mat is a place that brought healing to my body and stress. I hope to share that with my students.
